Excellence is what turns productivity into progress. 

Here’s how you can cultivate it, even under pressure or in the trap of a well-oiled system of gloriously low-value tasks. 

Prioritize with purpose: Start each day by identifying your Most Important Tasks (MITs). These aren’t just tasks to complete; they’re the ones that, when done with care, will make a real impact. Don’t just aim to finish—aim to excel.

Combine time-blocking with mindfulness: Allocate specific time slots for your MITs, and take a moment before starting each one. Practice a brief mindfulness technique—close your eyes, take a few deep breaths, and focus on the intention to do your best work. This helps shift your mindset from just getting it done to doing it well.

End with a quality check: At the end of each day, reflect on not just what you accomplished, but how well you did it. Ask yourself: “Did I bring my best to the table, or did I just check the boxes?” This simple reflection helps reinforce a commitment to excellence.

Stop confusion activity with achievement. Break out of the illusion of productivity.

Busy doesn’t always mean productive—it just means busy.

I'd like you to reflect on how much of your daily routine aligns with your values and truly moves you closer to your goals. Prioritize work that requires focus, that matters the most, and that has a big impact on your objectives.

Eliminate or reduce shallow tasks that only keep you busy, like constant email checking, mindless scrolling, pointless debates, overthinking, or unnecessary meetings. Aligning your work habits with your values and goals ensures that your efforts are meaningful and effective, not just time-consuming.

Productivity is not doing more. It is doing what matters!

Do you crave a sacred space for what truly matters to you? Set boundaries. It is an act of self-respect and not for shutting people out.


If you haven't given a thought to your boundaries, here's how you can start:


• Know Your Values: Identify what truly matters to you.
• Clarify Your Needs: Understand what you need to thrive.
• Set Your Priorities: Decide what comes first in your life.
• Recognize Your Limits: Acknowledge where your energy and time end.
• Define Your Preferences: Be clear on what you will and won’t accept.
• Communicate Clearly: Let others know where you stand.
• Stay Consistent: Enforce your boundaries consistently, with no exceptions.


If you don’t respect your boundaries, no one else will. Draw them, honor them, and let the world take note. Your peace depends on it.

Truth is often hailed as the bedrock of knowledge, integrity, trust, and justice. Paradoxically, we've always had a complex relationship with it.


Our brains crave comfort. When faced with facts that challenge our beliefs, we feel uneasy. To ease it, we seek information confirming what we already believe.

We avoid the truth when it threatens our sense of stability. It’s a survival tactic, but it also blinds us.
#cognitivedissonance #confirmationbias

We’re social creatures. Belonging to a group is essential to us. Often, we value group harmony over truth. When truth challenges the beliefs that bond us, we ignore it. Why?

Because being part of the group feels safer than standing alone with the truth.
#socialidentity #groupdynamics


Truth can be painful. It forces us to confront harsh realities—about the world, and ourselves. To avoid this pain, we deny, repress, or rationalize.

It’s easier to cling to comforting falsehoods than face uncomfortable truths.
#emotionalcomfort #defensemechanism


We live in a world flooded with information. Not all of it is true. Misinformation spreads fast—because it’s often more sensational.

Algorithms feed us what we want to see, not what’s true. In this noise, the truth gets lost.
#misinformation #informationoverload


Truth often comes at a cost—time, effort, and sometimes, relationships. Falsehoods are cheap and easy, offering immediate benefits.

It’s no wonder we sometimes choose the convenient lie over the costly truth.
#economicsoftruth


So, why don’t we value truth as much as we should? The truth is hard. It challenges us, disrupts our comfort, and sometimes isolates us.


But here’s the thing: truth is also powerful. It gives knowledge, drives change, builds trust, and, ultimately, sets us free.


The truth may be tough, but it’s worth it. Seek it. Value it. Live by it.

Did you know that 

The design of the Japanese bullet train’s front was inspired by Kingfisher’s beak to reduce air resistance?

Mick Pearce designed the famous Eastgate Center building in Harare inspired by the self-cooling mounds of African Termites?

From lotus leaves for self cleaning surfaces to whale fins for wind turbine blades, we humans have solved so many complex challenges by emulating designs, processes and systems found in nature. 

This approach to problem solving has been studied and adopted as biomimetics or biomimicry. 

Nature doesn’t just offer inspirations and clues for technological innovations. It can also inspire our behaviours, values and philosophical approaches to life and work. 

We can learn cooperation and community mindset from ant colonies, resilience and adaptability from octopuses, collective strength and endurance from the root systems of sequoia groves, leadership and governance from wolf packs, and harmony and balance from natural habitats and ecosystems. There are so much more. 

Remember, learning from other people counts too. As adults, there is so much we can adapt from children, people with different abilities, the other genders, our competitors, opponents, team members. It’s just so liberating as it is rewarding to see the world as one big school we can constantly learn from. It just never stops giving. 

Look around for a moment, reflect. Tell us what has inspired you in the last 30 seconds. I bet you’ll find be overwhelmed by how many you can count. 

Let’s face it. When someone calls you selfish, it feels like they’ve just accused you of kicking puppies or for some people, like a badge of honor. 

Here’s the thing, though: not all selfishness is created equal. You can be stupid selfish (the kind everyone loves to hate) or smart selfish (the kind that makes the world a better place). 

Stupid selfish is where you grab all the cookies and leave none for anyone else. This kind of selfishness craves and thrives in short-term, instant gratification, leaving a trail of grumpy people and a more broken world in its wake. Where you'll soon run out of what you desired in the first place - a.k.a unsustainable. 

Smart selfishness is where you play the long game. You recognize that what truly benefits you sustainably, benefits all and vice versa. 

Working for sustainable and inclusive growth, investing in self-care and personal development, pursuing passions and talents, and setting boundaries are some examples of being smart and selfish. 

Being smart selfish creates economic stability, foster healthy relationships, drives innovation and progress. 

Give your selfishness its much-deserved makeover, turn it on its head, and see how it changes your life and the world for the better. Play the long game, make your wins sustainable, and you'll inevitably make everyone win sustainably. Embrace selfishness 2.0—be smart selfish. 

Are you a hunter or a farmer?

There are two kinds of people in this world - hunters and farmers. 

Hunters go after the unknown whereas the farmers master the known. 

Hunters are driven, ambitious, and thrive on the thrill of the chase. They’re the ones who seize opportunities, take risks, and live for the adrenaline of the hunt. They’re always on the move, scanning the environment, looking for the next big thing. They are the trouble-makers, the inattentive ones, the ever-distracted, the change-makers, the inventors and explorers.  

Farmers, on the other hand, are patient, consistent, and focused on stability, security, and growth. They cultivate relationships, nurture their surroundings, and invest in the future. They understand the value of time, knowing that the best results come from a steady, deliberate effort. They are patient, persistent, and productive. They possess the enormous strength to thrive in repetitive, boring grind that keeps the world in its place without letting it descend into chaos. 

Both hunters and farmers are essential. Hunters drive innovation and bring in new possibilities. Farmers ensure stability, growth, and sustainability. 

Together, they create a balanced ecosystem, each complementing the other’s strengths. 

So, whether you’re a hunter or a farmer, remember: it takes both kinds to keep the world going. Embrace your role, and appreciate the role of others. Together, we cultivate a better future.

The ability to challenge ideas constructively is crucial for growth and innovation. Polite disagreement and constructive criticism are vital skills. By focusing on respect, specificity, and solutions, you can foster a culture of open dialogue and continuous improvement. Remember, it’s not proving someone wrong but finding the best possible outcome together. Here’s how to master the art of polite disagreement and constructive criticism.

1. Be Respectful and Tactful

When disagreeing, always show respect for the other person’s viewpoint. Use polite language and avoid personal attacks.

Example: Instead of saying, "Your idea is flawed," say, "I see where you’re coming from, but I have a different perspective."

2. Focus on the Idea, Not the Person

Keep the discussion about the idea or behavior, not the individual. This helps prevent defensiveness and keeps the conversation productive.

Example: "I think we could improve this approach by considering alternative solutions."

3. Provide Specific Feedback

General criticisms can be vague and unhelpful. Offer specific examples or evidence to support your points.

Example: "The current process takes too long. Perhaps we could streamline steps A and B to save time."

4. Use "I" Statements

"I" statements can reduce feelings of accusation and foster a more open dialogue.

Example: "I feel that we might be overlooking some key data points here."

5. Suggest Solutions

Constructive criticism should be accompanied by potential solutions or alternatives.

Example: "I think we might face challenges with this strategy. How about we try this other approach?"

6. Be Open to Feedback

Constructive criticism is a two-way street. Be open to receiving feedback as well as giving it.

Example: "I appreciate your input on this. Do you have any suggestions on how I can improve my approach?"

7. Timing and Setting Matter

Choose the right time and place for your feedback. Private settings can often be more appropriate for sensitive discussions.

Example: Schedule a one-on-one meeting to discuss concerns rather than bringing them up in a public forum.

8. Stay Calm and Composed

Keep your emotions in check. A calm demeanor helps keep the discussion productive.

Example: Take a deep breath and speak slowly if you feel emotions rising during the discussion.

9. Encourage Dialogue

Encourage the other person to share their thoughts and listen actively to their perspective.

Example: "What do you think about my suggestion? I’d love to hear your thoughts."

10. End on a Positive Note

Conclude the conversation with a positive or encouraging statement to maintain a good rapport.

Example: "I’m confident we can find a solution that works for everyone. Thanks for your collaboration."

Understanding Logical Fallacies in the Context of a Growing Startup

Making sound decisions is crucial. Yet, even the sharpest minds can fall prey to logical fallacies, leading to poor choices and setbacks. By recognizing and avoiding these common errors in reasoning, you can steer toward success with greater confidence. Let’s explore typical logical fallacies, illustrated with examples.

1. Ad Hominem (Attacking the Person)

This fallacy occurs when someone attacks the person making the argument rather than the argument itself.

Example:

Person A: "We should pivot our product to meet market needs better."

Person B: "You’ve only been with the company for six months, so your opinion doesn’t count."

Here, Person B dismisses Person A’s suggestion by attacking their tenure instead of addressing the argument.

2. Straw Man

This involves misrepresenting someone's argument to make it easier to attack.

Example:

Person A: "We need to focus on user feedback to improve our product."

Person B: "So, you think we should abandon our entire roadmap just because a few users made some comments?"

Person B distorts Person A's argument, creating a "straw man" that's easier to refute.

3. False Dichotomy (Either/Or Fallacy)

This fallacy presents two options as the only possibilities when, in fact, others exist.

Example:

"We either stick to our current strategy, or we’ll fail."

This statement ignores other potential strategies that could be explored.

4. Appeal to Authority

This fallacy occurs when someone argues that a claim is true simply because an authority figure believes it to be true.

Example:

"Our investor said we should expand to international markets now, so we should do it immediately."

The argument relies solely on the investor's authority, disregarding other critical analyses.

5. Hasty Generalization

This involves making a broad generalization based on a small or unrepresentative sample.

Example:

"Our first three hires from this job board were excellent, so all candidates from there will be top-notch."

This conclusion is based on an insufficient sample size.

Spotting the Fallacies

To identify logical fallacies, always question the structure of the argument. Ask yourself:

• Is the argument attacking the person or the idea?
• Are the points being accurately represented?
• Are there more options than what’s presented?
• Is the argument based solely on authority?
• Is there enough evidence to support the generalization?

By understanding and identifying logical fallacies, you can improve your reasoning and engage in more productive, rational discussions. Remember these examples next time you encounter an argument in your startup, and see if you can spot the fallacy!

By simplifying and focusing on core elements, first-principles thinking helps us find meaningful and enduring solutions for complex problems. Here are some examples of first-principles questioning for traditional problem statements. Start asking the right questions today!

Redefining Questions with First Principles Thinking

1. Self-awareness: Start with profoundly understanding your strengths and weaknesses. Self-awareness is foundational to developing the kind of authenticity that resonates with others.
2. Communication Skills: Cultivate the ability to speak clearly and persuasively. Good communication involves clarity, emotion to connect with your audience, the power to persuade, the power to hold your space in (sometimes awkward) silence, and, most importantly, the ability to listen genuinely. 
3. Emotional Regulation: Learn to manage your emotions in high-pressure situations. Leaders with solid presence are often admired for their calm in a storm.
4. Gravitas: This comes from showing confidence without arrogance. Gravitas is the weight that makes your words and decisions have an impact. It involves speaking up, but importantly, being listened to when you do.
5. Appearance: Like it or not, appearances matter. Dressing appropriately can influence people’s perceptions of your professionalism and suitability for leadership—there is no need to dress stereotypically. Make deliberate dressing and grooming choices and make an intentional effort in choosing how you present yourself—dress to express what kind of a leader you are.

Remember, developing an executive presence is not becoming someone you're not; it's authentically representing the best of you in ways others respect and emulate. As you continue to hone these aspects of your leadership, you'll find that your ability to lead effectively and inspire those around you will naturally enhance. As with any skill, executive presence can be developed; it requires intention, reflection, and practice.

Authenticity requires self-awareness, transparency, and moral courage. This concept is deeply connected to Aristotle's philosophical musings, who considered moral courage a compromise between recklessness and cowardice.

 It's standing up for your convictions, especially when they are tested. Your authenticity is reflected not when things are easy, but when you’re called to uphold your values under pressure. 

How do you respond when faced with ethical dilemmas? Does your decision-making process reflect a commitment to your values, even at a cost? 

This alignment is the essence of authentic leadership, ensuring that your actions consistently reflect your deepest beliefs.

In the quest for authenticity, it’s easy to confuse being true to oneself with remaining unyieldingly fixed in our ways. This misunderstanding often results in rigidity, mistakenly perceived as constancy. The celebrated psychologist Carl Rogers emphasized, "The curious paradox is that when I accept myself just as I am, then I can change." 

Authenticity is not a fixed state but a dynamic equilibrium. It's about acknowledging your current realities and being open to evolving from there. It’s about adapting and growing without losing sight of your core values. This concept of dynamic equilibrium can help you maintain a sense of balance in your personal growth journey. 

Reflect on this: 

Does an outdated image of yourself drive your decisions and actions, or are they informed by who you are in the present or by your aspirational future self? Evolve within the framework of your values and let your authenticity shine through fluidity rather than rigidity.

As you navigate your journey as a founder, setting boundaries is crucial for your well-being and sustaining your team’s and company's health. Here are seven steps to help you establish and maintain these boundaries:

• Recognize Your Limits: Start by understanding your physical, emotional, and mental limits. Know what you can handle and cannot, and use this awareness to define your boundaries.
• Communicate Clearly: Once you know your limits, communicate them clearly and confidently to your team and peers. Clarity prevents misunderstandings and sets the tone for mutual respect.
• Consistency is Key: Enforce your boundaries consistently. Inconsistency can lead to confusion and might signal that your boundaries can be ignored.
• Learn to Say No: As a leader, mastering the art of saying 'no' is vital. Saying no to tasks or demands that overstep your boundaries protects your time and energy.
• Prioritize Self-Care: Personal boundaries include time for self-care. Make it non-negotiable to have time for physical activity, hobbies, and relaxation to maintain your overall health.
• Delegate Effectively: Excessive workloads often cross work boundaries. Learn to delegate tasks to trusted team members to maintain boundaries without compromising productivity.
• Re-evaluate Regularly: As your personal life and startup evolve, so will your capacity and needs. Review and adjust your boundaries regularly as necessary.

Setting boundaries is about respecting yourself and showing others to respect you too. It’s essential for sustained success and personal fulfillment.

When faced with anxiety before an important meeting or a presentation, instead of succumbing to self-defeating thoughts, you challenge them with evidence-based reasoning and positive reframing (cognitive restructuring). You ask yourself:

• Is there evidence to support my negative beliefs, or am I magnifying my shortcomings?
• Have I successfully handled similar challenges in the past? What strengths and skills did I demonstrate?
• Am I underestimating my qualifications and expertise? What unique insights and perspectives do I bring to the table?
• What's the worst-case scenario, and how likely is it to happen? Can I realistically cope with any setbacks or mistakes?

As you challenge these negative thoughts, you gradually replace them with more empowering and realistic beliefs:

• "I've put in the effort to prepare for this presentation, and I have valuable insights to share."
• "While I may feel nervous, it's normal to experience some level of anxiety before a big meeting. I can use this energy to fuel my performance."
• "I've received positive feedback on my work in the past, indicating that I'm capable and competent."

As anticipation and anxiety weigh down on you, paradoxical intention is a counterintuitive and proven way to overcome them.

Instead of fighting against your anxious thoughts, you embrace them in a paradoxical twist. You deliberately amplify your nervousness, turning it into a source of motivation rather than a hindrance.

You playfully challenge yourself to "mess up" or "fall flat," knowing deep down that by embracing these fears, you disarm their potency. Rather than striving for flawless perfection, you embrace the imperfections and uncertainties inherent in human experience.

You humorously imagine the worst-case scenarios playing out, acknowledging that they are unlikely to occur, and even if they did, they would not define your worth or competence.

It’s late evening, and I’m lounging in my favorite nook at home, surrounded by the comforting embrace of books that have journeyed with me through ebbs and flows. The walls, adorned with photographs and memorabilia, whisper tales of adventures and misadventures. In this space, I reflect on the profound significance of home, especially during life’s myriad transitions.

Home is more than just a physical space you see — it’s an anchor. Whether navigating the choppy waters of a new career, weathering the storm of personal loss, or sailing towards new beginnings, your home remains a steadfast lighthouse guiding you back to safety.

Consider home your place of belonging, a sanctuary where you’re accepted for who you are, flaws and all. It’s where your victories are celebrated with genuine joy, and your defeats are met with understanding and support. In the embrace of home, you’re free to be your most authentic self, shedding the masks worn to face the outside world.

But how can you cultivate such a sanctuary amid the cacophony of life’s conflicts and hurts, triumphs, and moments of love and acceptance? It starts with intentionality. Create spaces within your home that invite reflection and self-development. Perhaps a quiet corner with a comfy chair and a shelf of insightful books or a garden where you can nurture life and find solace in nature’s simple beauty.

Embrace the concept of hygge, the Danish art of creating warmth and coziness in everyday moments. Fill your home with soft lighting, comfortable textiles, and objects that bring you joy. Let each item in your space tell a story of a cherished memory, a dream pursued, or a challenge overcome.

Most importantly, make your home a testament to the relationships that shape and sustain you. Cultivate an environment where open conversations and shared experiences foster deeper connections. Celebrate milestones, however small, and create rituals that reinforce the bonds of love and acceptance.

In the dance of life, home is where we return to rest, rejuvenate, dream, and dare. It’s where we’re reminded of our strengths and capacity to overcome. By creating a home that reflects our inner landscape, we anchor ourselves in the values and visions that propel us forward.

I invite you to pause and ponder: What does home mean to you? How can you nurture this space to support your journey through life’s transitions? Remember, the essence of home is not in its grandeur or opulence but in its ability to offer refuge, inspiration, and a sense of belonging. Let’s cherish and cultivate these sanctuaries, for in them, we find the strength to embrace the ebb and flow of existence with grace and resilience.

So, you’re contemplating a career pivot? Let’s cut through the noise and focus on the essentials. Before you pack your bags, let’s ensure you have your ducks in a row.

First, why the itch for change? Is your current gig draining your soul? Are you enduring a toxic boss? Is your daily routine as thrilling as watching paint dry? Or perhaps you’re yearning for more meaning in your daily grind? Whatever the reason, it’s crucial to validate your itch for change first.

Now, onto the game plan:

1.Unlock Your Ikigai: This is the most crucial. Ever heard of Ikigai? It’s the Japanese concept of finding your reason for being. Picture it as the intersection of what you love, what you’re good at, what the world needs, and what you can get paid for. Finding your Ikigai is the key to a fulfilling career journey. Begin with what floats your boat.

2.Map Your Mentorship: Every hero needs a wise sage to guide them on their quest. Seek a mentor or a sounding board who can offer insights, keep you grounded, and provide that much-needed kick in the pants when motivation wanes. They’re like your career GPS, steering you in the right direction when lost in uncertainty.

3.Plan Your Escape Route: Now that you’re armed with self-awareness and guidance, it’s time to plot your course. Research different industries, tap into your network, and gather deep intel. A solid plan will give you the confidence to navigate the choppy waters of change.

4.Arm Yourself with Knowledge: Education is your best weapon in this battle. Invest in upskilling, attend workshops, and devour resources like a hungry scholar. The more you learn, the better equipped you’ll be to tackle the challenges.

5.Adopt a Resilient Mindset : Brace yourself for setbacks and challenges. Embrace the journey with resilience. Remember, every obstacle is just a detour on the road to success. Stay flexible, stay positive, and keep pushing forward.

6.Stay Agile: In the words of Bruce Lee, “Be water, my friend.” Don’t cling to a rigid plan like a barnacle on a ship; instead, go with the flow and adapt to the changing currents. The ability to roll with the punches will serve you well in your career crusade.

So, there you have it, warrior: a tactical blueprint for navigating your career shift. Remember, this isn’t just about changing jobs; it’s about seeking fulfillment and purpose. So, arm yourself with courage, wisdom, and determination, and prepare to conquer new horizons. Your adventure awaits!

As I stand on my open terrace, the firm tiles cold under my bare feet, I watch the curl of smoke from my cigarette swirling upwards and the steam from my coffee trying to catch up. This morning, the coffee tastes like nostalgia. It’s rich and full-bodied, contrasting to last month’s flavorless sips. You see, the coffee from Uma’s has been a family tradition for over thirty years, a silent sentinel accompanying us through life’s ebb and flow.

The recent disappointment with Uma’s coffee shocked our system. But as I mull over this, cup in one hand and my cigarette in the other, I see the clouds parting, revealing a silver lining so striking that it arrests all other thoughts. It reminds me that the beauty of the silver lining is never really about the cloud but the light that never stops shining behind.

You know this truth deep down. It’s not the cloud that crafts the silver edge, but your inner light — your resilience, your inherent brightness — that defines the beauty in the moment of gloom. The clouds of life, your challenges and setbacks, are transient. They pass, they change, they dissolve. But the light within you remains a constant force like the sun behind the cloud.

The coffee episode, that slight turbulence in the continuity of our family ritual, echoes a more significant lesson. When the brew from our last batch from Uma’s seemed lost to blandness, and our hearts sunk a little with each tasteless sip, we reached out and expressed our dismay. What happened? The purveyor of our morning ritual, the owner of Uma’s, replaced the remaining lot with a fresh, flavorful batch; he restored faith in the unspoken bond between him and our family.

So, take this to heart. When you encounter bland brews, the moments lacking flavor or joy, reach out. Communicate. Give life a chance to surprise you with a fresh lot, a new beginning. And as you do, remember that your inner light is the constant ingredient in the ever-changing recipe of life. It is what infuses every experience with its authentic flavor.

Let each sip of coffee, each beam of light piercing through the clouds, remind you that the essence of who you are — your inner light — never dims. It waits patiently to be acknowledged, to cast its silver glow on the clouds. Hold onto this, and you’ll see that your ability to shine through the clouds is not just an act of defiance against the dark but an affirmation of your unwavering light.

In this quiet moment of reflection, I wonder how to nurture this inner light, especially when life’s clouds loom large and heavy. You, too, might have pondered this in your moments of solitude.

First, acknowledge the clouds. Give them names — fear, doubt, loss. By naming them, you strip away their power to diffuse your light. Speak to and understand them; they’re not as vast as they appear.

Then, draw from the well of your past triumphs. Remember when you’ve overcome, when the light within outshone the shadow outside. Let these memories reignite your spirit.

Lean on the rituals that anchor you — the morning cup of coffee, the quiet evening walks, the board game with family or friends, that catch-up phone call, your favorite music or a TV show. These constants can guide you back to your inner glow.

Connect with your people — those who remind you of your brightness, like the owner of Uma’s, who reached out with a bag of fresh coffee and let others in to refresh the stale spirit.

Cultivate gratitude, even for the smallest of joys. Gratitude is like sunlight; it banishes the shadows and warms the soul, keeping the inner light aglow.

And finally, give of yourself. In service, kindness, and listening, you bring light to others and let your being shine brighter. It’s in these acts that we often find our most radiant selves.

So, as the sun finds its way through the clouds, let these practices sustain your inner light. Through the toughest times and the darkest clouds, your light can shine with unwavering grace and strength. Hold this close, and let it guide you as sure as the sunrise.

“I don’t remember you functioning so well before having your morning coffee,” my partner casually observed while reworking the half-mashed potatoes. I had just mashed those potatoes a moment before for Vi’s lunch. I had packed the snack and water briskly before venturing into the tater territory. Earlier, I was on the losing side of the waking battle today, late by 30 minutes — eons in the time scale of my morning routine.

Her words were light and endearing when it should have been a solid verbal uppercut for my half-assed job. It also reminded me how far I have come with my morning transitions. It might take a while or forever before my morning becomes a serene launchpad daily. However, here are some practices that have helped me get to the point of earning marks for my surprisingly effective pre-coffee functioning.

Waking Rituals: I try a set of simple, enjoyable actions immediately upon waking. This could be stretching, deep breathing, or a few moments of gratitude. Rituals create predictability, comfort my mind, and prepare me mentally to face the day.

Visualization: I spend a few minutes visualizing the day’s goals, outcomes, and meaningful moments. You could do this lying in the bed if you can afford an elaborate waking ceremony. If you are like me, spend those few minutes of visualization in the bathroom or doing mundane tasks. You might be interrupted by ‘Good Morning,’ ‘What’s your plan for the day’, or ‘I need to use the bathroom.’ Quickly, your folks will learn not to hassle you when you are in your out-of-body experience zone. This mental rehearsal enhances actual performance and motivation.

Quality Sleep: This is one area where I need to improve. But I’m putting it here because I know it’s essential and it could help you. Prioritize sleep hygiene — relaxed, dark, quiet environments and a consistent bedtime. Quality sleep is foundational, affecting our mood, cognitive function, and overall health.

Morning Planning: I lay out the next day’s plan the night before. This reduces decision fatigue and provides a clear roadmap for the day, easing the mental load upon waking. I review my day’s forecast of organized, prioritized, and updated tasks on my Omnifocus system.

Alarm Strategy: I choose a pleasant alarm tone. I tried placing it out of immediate reach to discourage snoozing, but I only became more groggy. This is good advice for most people, though. When I became immune to alarm and snoozing became part of my sleep muscle, I requested that the person waking me up be gentle. Waking up startled is not what you want.

The Invitation

Now, over to you. How do you wrestle with the dawn? Do you have a morning ritual that sets the tone for a productive, fulfilling day? Maybe it’s a cup of coffee enjoyed in silence, a brisk walk, a favorite song, a moment of silence in nature, or a few pages of a beloved book.

Mornings can be more than just a launchpad for the day; they can be a launchpad for life. We set a precedent for the rest of our waking hours by embracing the first moments with intention and care. Let’s turn our mornings from something we endure into something we cherish. Share your morning ritual, and let’s inspire each other to wake up on the right side of the bed and with the right mindset to take on the world.

What’s your strategy for winning the dawn?

Vi is not particularly great at soccer. He is not the worst, either. He can move, dribble, pass, shoot and stop. Although, let’s say he is more enthusiastic than adequate — in all those departments. Juggling soccer and drum lessons for the last five years (he is eleven now), he’s banging out rhythms on the drums with little effort. Soccer, though, is a different story. Imagine being the goalie who dreams of the day they’ll stop a ball coming straight at them. Yeah, that’s Vi.

This whole scenario got my wife and me thinking — should we nudge him to hang up his soccer cleats? Now, we do not push for perfection in every endeavor. We’re also firm believers in giving something your best shot. We even give generous marks for just showing up.

But it did spark a broader contemplation within me. When is it okay to quit? And, honestly, quitting isn’t as much a dirty word as it is made out to be. It’s not giving up; it’s stepping towards something potentially more fulfilling. But the big question lingers — when? How do you measure enough effort? How do you know when to persevere and when to quit?

Let’s break it down — keeping it real and light.

Check Your Joy Meter

First things first, are you still finding joy in this pursuit? If the answer leans more towards a grimace than a grin, it’s a red flag. Life’s too short for joyless endeavors. If my son’s excitement for soccer were near his passion for drumming, we wouldn’t even be having this conversation. Not today, at least. If your hobby or job feels more like a chore, it might be time to reassess. Joy is the secret sauce that makes any activity worth pursuing. If it’s missing, it might be time to look elsewhere.

1.Effort vs. Reward

We’re all about putting in the effort, but at what cost? It might be time to pivot if you’re giving your all and the rewards (satisfaction, growth, or happiness) aren’t stacking up. Remember, it’s not just about the physical rewards; personal fulfillment counts for a lot. If every dribble and every goal attempt ends in frustration rather than growth or even a hint of satisfaction, it’s worth reevaluating. At the very least, effort should lead to personal joy or development.

2. The Stress Factor

Is this thing we’re clinging to serving as a stress reliever or a stress-builder? Adulting is hard enough without adding unnecessary stress. If soccer is causing more anxiety than excitement for my son, it defeats the purpose. Stress can be a significant growth inhibitor. If your commitment leaves you more frazzled than fulfilled, it’s worth questioning its place in your life.

3. The Silent Signals

Vi often struggles to articulate his feelings. He prefers claiming that he is okay over engaging in an awkward exploration of his feelings. Sometimes, as adults, we say everything’s “fine” because we dread admitting otherwise, even to ourselves. But deep down, we know. Are you enthusiastic about this activity or going through the motions? Pay attention to your energy levels, those gut feelings, what your body is trying to tell you — they’re usually onto something.

4. Seeking Wisdom

There is no need for a sage on a mountaintop, but a little external perspective can help. Friends, family, or colleagues might offer insights you hadn’t considered. Sometimes, it takes another set of eyes to see what’s best for us. We plan to talk to his soccer coach.

5. Embracing the Exit

Here’s where we flip the script on quitting. Quitting isn’t failing; it’s choosing. It’s deciding that your time, energy, and happiness are worth redirecting when something is not serving you. Every time we quit something that’s not working, we open the door to something that might. It’s about growth. It is a valuable lesson in prioritization and self-awareness.

6. Timing is Everything

So, when to pull the plug? After you’ve given it an honest shot. That might mean different things for different situations — a few months in a new role, a season in a soccer league. If there’s more dread than excitement, more drain than gain, it’s time.

7. The Quitting Lesson

Quitting teaches us resilience, listening to ourselves, and making tough decisions. It’s a lesson in self-care and recognizing our worth. It’s about understanding that changing course for our happiness and well-being is okay.

Remember, this isn’t just about quitting. It’s about being intentional with our lives and our choices. Whether it’s a job, a hobby, or a social commitment, staying aligned with what brings us joy, fulfillment, and peace is crucial.

So, here’s to permit ourselves to quit, explore, and find what makes us tick. Here’s to the next chapter, the next adventure, or the next quiet evening at home. Whatever brings you joy, chase it. And if that means quitting something else to get there. Cheers to our journeys wherever they may lead.

Breaking up is a phrase that carries a weighty punch, whether it’s the end of a romantic relationship, bidding farewell to a job, or parting ways with a habit or addiction. But beneath the surface, beyond the tears and the heartache, lies a journey of self-discovery waiting to unfold. Let’s dive into the various scenarios where breaking up leads us down the winding path of introspection and growth.

1. Relationships: Ah, love. It’s a rollercoaster ride of emotions. When a relationship reaches its expiry date, it’s easy to feel lost in a sea of confusion and heartbreak. But as the dust settles, we find ourselves face to face with our true selves. We reflect on what went wrong, what we could have done better, and what we truly desire in a partner. It’s a journey of rediscovering our worth and learning to love ourselves before diving back into the dating pool. As Carrie Bradshaw famously said in Sex and the City, “The most exciting, challenging, and significant relationship of all is the one you have with yourself.”
2. Jobs: Breaking up with a job can be liberating yet terrifying. Whether quitting a toxic workplace or being let go unexpectedly, it forces us to confront our fears and reassess our career trajectory. We ponder our strengths, weaknesses, and passions and often pursue never-considered paths. It’s like a phoenix rising from the ashes, emerging more robust and more determined than ever. Steve Jobs once said, “Your work is going to fill a large part of your life, and the only way to be truly satisfied is to do what you believe is great work.”
3. Habits: Bid farewell to those pesky habits that no longer serve us. Whether biting our nails, procrastinating, or indulging in unhealthy vices, breaking up with these habits requires discipline and self-reflection; we delve into the underlying reasons behind our behaviors, confronting our demons head-on. And as we gradually let go, we pave the way for healthier habits to take root. In the words of Aristotle, “We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act but a habit.”
4. Addictions: Breaking up with addiction is perhaps the most challenging journey of all. Whether it’s alcohol, drugs, or gambling, addiction grips us in its suffocating embrace, making it seem impossible to break free. But as we embark on the road to recovery, we confront our demons with courage and resilience. We seek support from loved ones and professionals, unraveling the tangled web of addiction one thread at a time. And with each day of sobriety, we reclaim our autonomy and rediscover the beauty of life itself. The Dalai Lama once said, “The purpose of our lives is to be happy.”
5. Comfort Zones: Sometimes, the most significant breakup we experience is with our comfort zones. We bid farewell to the familiar and embrace the unknown, stepping outside the confines of our routine existence. It’s scary, yes, but it’s also exhilarating. We push past our self-imposed limitations, embracing change and growth with open arms. And in doing so, we unearth hidden talents and passions we never knew existed. As Neale Donald Walsch said, “Life begins at the end of your comfort zone.”
6. Identity Crisis: Breaking up can also lead to an identity crisis, where we question who we are and what we stand for. It’s like peeling away the layers of an onion, uncovering our true essence beneath the facade. We explore different facets of our personality, experimenting with new hobbies, interests, and beliefs. And in the process, we discover that our identity is fluid, ever-evolving, and infinitely complex. In the wise words of Socrates, “The only true wisdom is in knowing you know nothing.”

The Psychology of Breaking Up: Understanding the Inner Turmoil

Breaking up is more than just a physical separation; it’s a psychological upheaval that rocks us to our core. When the decision is made to part ways, our minds become a battleground of conflicting emotions and thoughts. Let’s delve into the psychology behind breaking up and unravel the intricate workings of the human mind during this tumultuous time.

1. Attachment Theory: At the heart of every breakup lies attachment theory, which explores the bonds we form with other people, habits, jobs, or ideas throughout our lives. When these relationships end, it triggers a cascade of emotions rooted in our attachment style — whether it’s anxious, avoidant, or secure. Those with anxious attachments may cling desperately to the hope of reconciliation, while avoidant individuals may distance themselves emotionally to cope with the loss. Understanding our attachment style can provide valuable insights into our reactions during a breakup.
2. Loss and Grief: Like the death of a loved one, the end of a relationship plunges us into the depths of grief. We mourn the loss. We also regret the dreams, memories, and shared experiences we cherished. Psychologists recognize the stages of grief — denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance — as a roadmap for navigating the emotional rollercoaster of a breakup. It’s a painful journey that ultimately leads to healing and growth.
3. Identity Crisis: A breakup can shatter our sense of self, leaving us adrift in a sea of uncertainty. We question our worth, values, and place in the world, grappling with existential angst. This identity crisis forces us to confront the question: Who am I without this relationship? It’s a daunting prospect and presents an opportunity for self-discovery and reinvention.
4. Cognitive Dissonance: When reality doesn’t align with our beliefs and expectations, it creates cognitive dissonance — a psychological discomfort arising from simultaneously holding conflicting thoughts. During a breakup, we may struggle to reconcile the image we had of the object of our breakup with the harsh reality of the situation. This cognitive dissonance fuels confusion, guilt, and self-doubt as we attempt to make sense of the shattered illusions.
5. Rumination and Intrusive Thoughts: The aftermath of a breakup is often plagued by rumination — a repetitive cycle of negative thoughts and memories that loop incessantly in our minds. We replay past conversations or experiences, dissecting every word and moment for clues about what happened. These intrusive thoughts can be overwhelming, exacerbating feelings of sadness, anger, and regret. Breaking free from the cycle of rumination requires conscious effort and self-compassion.
6. Rebuilding Self-Esteem: Perhaps the greatest psychological challenge of a breakup is rebuilding our shattered self-esteem. The rejection and abandonment inherent in a breakup can leave deep emotional scars, undermining our confidence and self-worth. It’s a process of self-reconstruction wherein we learn to love and accept ourselves unconditionally, flaws and all. As we heal from the wounds of the past, we emerge more assertive, more resilient, and more self-assured than ever before.

In essence, breaking up is not just about endings; it’s about new beginnings. While the psychology of breaking up is a complex interplay of emotions, thoughts, and behavior, It’s also about shedding old skin and embracing the journey of self-discovery with open arms. It’s about giving up hope for a better past. So the next time life throws you a curveball, remember that every breakup is an opportunity in disguise — a chance to reinvent yourself with time, patience, and self-compassion and emerge stronger, wiser, and more resilient than ever before. Carl Jung once said, “I am not what happened to me; I am what I choose to become.”

The art of feedback, both giving and receiving, is a dance of communication, emotional intelligence, and growth. By embracing feedback in all its forms, we enhance our personal and professional lives and also deepen our connections with those around us.

As we all strive to be both givers and receivers of feedback who uplift and are uplifted, it is crucial to understand that the actual value or the impact of feedback lies not in the moment of its delivery but in the growth it inspires or the scar it leaves behind after that. Handled with care, it can sculpt the grandest of careers or the deepest of connections; wielded without thought, it can chip away at the very foundation of self-esteem.

Giving feedback

“Truth without love is brutality, and love without truth is hypocrisy.” — Warren W. Wiersbe. Striking, isn’t it? This quote sums up the essence of giving effective feedback. Feedback sessions shouldn’t make the receiver feel like they are prosecuted. “This is wrong; that’s not how it’s done…” The focus cannot always be on what went missing; it should also be on what can be found.

The best feedback feels like a collaborative dance. Mistakes acknowledged, yes, but woven into a narrative of growth and opportunity. “Here’s what went well,” sets a positive tone. “And here’s a thought on how we could make it even better.” It isn’t about sugarcoating the pill but about making the medicine go down with a spoonful of honey.

“In a world where you can be anything, be kind,” goes another saying that resonates deeply when we talk about feedback. This kindness forms the foundation of feedback in our workplaces as well as in our homes and personal lives.

Psychologically speaking, this approach aligns with the concept of ‘Positive Reinforcement’ championed by B.F. Skinner. By focusing on positive outcomes and reinforcing what works, we’re not just correcting behavior; we’re nurturing an environment ripe for growth and innovation.

Let’s sprinkle in a bit of Daniel Kahneman’s wisdom here. His work on cognitive biases and heuristics sheds light on why feedback can sometimes be received so poorly. The ‘negativity bias’ suggests we’re wired to react more strongly to negative information than to positive. Knowing this, when giving feedback, it’s crucial to balance our critique with a healthy dose of positive reinforcement to ensure our message is both heard and absorbed constructively.

Consider the dynamics within a family setting. Constructive feedback, shared with love and respect, can help family members understand each other better and grow together. It’s about creating a safe space where feedback is seen as a gift, not a grievance. Reflecting on the startup culture, the principle of ‘failing forward’ is just as applicable at home as it is in the office. Encouraging family members to see mistakes as learning opportunities can foster resilience and a positive outlook on life’s challenges.

A young team or a young family, brimming with ideas but green in execution, working on many of their firsts. Mistakes? Plenty. But instead of a teardown session, choose a ‘feedback sandwich’ approach — positive, constructive, positive. This keeps morale high and also turns mistakes into learning opportunities, fostering a culture of ‘failing forward.’

In the words of the ever-insightful Yuval Noah Harari, “Humans think in stories rather than in facts, numbers, or equations, and the simpler the story, the better.” This is the secret sauce in giving feedback — weaving it into a narrative that speaks to growth, potential, and the journey ahead. It’s not about glossing over the flaws but framing them as steps on the ladder of progress.

Whether in boardrooms or living rooms, the principles of empathy, clarity, and positivity in feedback can bridge gaps, mend fences, and elevate our collective journey toward improvement.

Let’s carry forward the spirit of constructive, compassionate feedback and nurturing environments where individuals feel valued and empowered to reach their full potential. After all, the true art of feedback lies not in the critique itself but in our ability to uplift and inspire, be it at work or home. So, here’s to mastering this art, one thoughtful conversation at a time.

Receiving feedback

In the realm of feedback, much is said about the art of giving it. Yet, the skill of receiving feedback, especially when it’s not wrapped in kindness, is equally, if not more, crucial.

Let’s embark on this journey with a spin on an ancient Turkish proverb, “When you throw stones at a tree laden with fruit, the tree responds by dropping its fruit.” This philosophy encourages us to respond to criticism with grace, learning from it rather than retaliating.

The Professional Sphere: A Lesson in Humility

In the professional context, receiving feedback can often feel like a tightrope walk. When feedback is far from kind, every word can feel like a direct hit to our confidence. The power of humility and the growth mindset can come in handy here. Instead of defensively justifying our actions, take a moment to step back and truly listen. This isn’t easy, especially when the feedback feels more like an attack than constructive criticism. However, by focusing on the underlying message rather than the tone, we can sift through the harshness and find valuable insights that can significantly improve our work.

Receiving feedback effectively requires separating the message from the messenger. It’s about extracting the kernel of truth and growth potential from even the most poorly delivered feedback. Psychologically, this aligns with the concept of ‘emotional intelligence’ — the ability to manage our own emotions and understand the feelings of others. By approaching feedback with emotional intelligence, we can turn potentially discouraging interactions into opportunities for personal and professional development.

The Personal Realm: Cultivating Resilience

On the personal front, feedback can sometimes feel even more piercing, given the emotional stakes involved. Let’s say a family member criticizes your decision-making or lifestyle choices. Such feedback, primarily when delivered without tact, can be challenging to receive constructively. Here, the art of receiving feedback intertwines with the strength of our relationships and our self-esteem.

Such harsh feedback conversations can be a pivotal moment for introspection and resilience building. By listening openly, we can acknowledge their concerns, clarify our intentions, and explain the rationale behind our actions or decisions. Also, realize how we can see why they feel let down.

In situations like these, the psychological principle of ‘cognitive restructuring’ comes into play. It involves changing the negative patterns of thinking that arise in response to feedback and viewing the situation from a new, more positive perspective. It’s about asking ourselves, “What can I learn from this?” rather than “Why are they criticizing me?”

Embracing Vulnerability

Brené Brown, a renowned researcher on vulnerability, emphasizes the courage in being vulnerable and the growth it fosters. Receiving feedback, especially the kind that stings, is an exercise in vulnerability. It’s about opening ourselves up to critique and the possibility of growth. This vulnerability, while daunting, is the crucible in which our personal and professional development is forged.

Whether in the office or at home, embracing feedback with a mindset of growth and resilience can transform our most challenging moments into our most significant opportunities for development. It’s not merely about weathering the storm of criticism but learning how to dance in the rain.

In Conclusion: The Full Circle of Feedback

In this continuous cycle of giving and receiving, let’s remember that every piece of feedback, kindly or harshly delivered, holds a seed of growth waiting to be nurtured — if only we are open and curious to learn and grow.

PS — Adding a powerful hack here; before giving feedback, ask for permission. “Can I share some feedback on this?” Or “Do I have your permission to share what I think?”. While this may not eliminate the negative impact (if any) on the receiver, it will certainly reduce it.

Some powerful questions in giving and receiving feedback

Giving feedback

1. Is this the best you can do?
2. This is great. How can we make this even better?
3. I see you’ve approached it this way. Where do you think this can fail?
4. What angles haven’t you thought of? Or What questions haven’t I asked?
5. What did you learn?
6. Do you mind if we start over? (When your feedback wasn’t received well initially)
7. What’s stopping you from ….
8. What could make that possible? What’s getting in the way of doing that?
9. How do you plan to approach this? What is your strategy? What things have you decided not to do?
10. If the circumstances were turned around, how would you like to be treated?

Receiving feedback

1. Can you say more about that?
2. What would you like me to change? What do you suggest I do differently?
3. Would you be willing to share a better way of doing this?
4. I am unable to …. because …… I value your advice. Do you have any suggestions on how I can overcome this?
5. I hear what you are saying. I’d like to hear your views on whether this is consistent with our family’s/team’s/company’s values.
6. When you were in my position, how did you do this? (Or) If you were in my position, how would you do this?
7. How would this make us (team/family/company) better? Why does this matter so much to you? Why is this so special for you?
8. Do you think this is always true, or is this situation in particular? Given the problem, what is the most important thing we should be discussing now?
9. What do you think I stand for? What have I done that has reinforced that?
10. If the circumstances were turned around, how would you like to be treated?